With our second, I was determined to have a breastfed baby with lots of rolls! Although she was breastfed (with no formula supplements) for 18 months, I was still disappointed that she hovered around the 2nd percentile in weight.

Before our 3rd baby was born, I prayed and gave over my rights as a mother to breastfeed to the Lord. I told Him that even though I wanted with all of my heart to exclusively breastfeed our baby that I would give it up right away if I had trouble with nursing, as my personal routine of trying to build up my milk supply was time consuming and emotionally draining to me (and everyone else, too!). I also promised the Lord that I would joyfully give up breastfeeding this time if our baby wasn’t gaining weight instead of trying to hold onto it with all of my might like I had done before.

For me, this surrendering of my rights (because I did feel it was my right to breasfeed as a mother) to the Lord was the key. Our little girl is 6 months old now and still exclusively breastfed (no formula). I just started her on solids this week. She has breastfed beautifully right from the beginning and has lots of fat rolls, just like I wanted!

I do NOT think that this issue of surrender is the problem for others who have trouble with breastfeeding, but it was for me. Thank you for sharing so openly on your blog. I found you through a search for “crock pot yogurt” and have enjoyed looking around.

I struggled to nurse my first two, trying everything I could. Both ended up on formula. With my third child I spoke with a neighbor who has an amazing intuitive ability. She did her “muscle testing” and told me I did have the ability to make enough milk but not to worry about it this time–my baby would be just fine on the Nourishing Traditions homemade formula. I was baffled. I had tried everything. How on earth could I make more milk? I let it go though as she had advised, and my baby transitioned well to formula.

I had the same struggle again with number four and asked for my neighbor’s help again. She repeated that I had the ability. This time though, she said to toss the herbs and medications, toss the fears of failure, toss the belief that nursing would be hard again and just believe. I did it, relying on prayer, and in 24 hours I was literally having milk shoot out of me and landing 5 feet away during let down. I had never really leaked before. I prayed and thanked the Lord for this blessing, but felt Him say that this was temporary. I would only nurse my baby until 6 months of age. I wondered how this could be and hoped I had heard this incorrectly.

A few weeks before she turned six months I was admitted to the ICU with pneumonia complicated by septic shock. Nursing was over again. And guess what–it was okay. The baby was just fine on formula, just like all my other kids.

I have realized a few important things from this. First, even though I anticipated that I would nurse and it would be easy, deep down there were some fears that I wasn’t even aware of. I had seen my mom struggle with two premature babies and an obnoxious hospital pump. I hadn’t thought much about her experience as I began nursing my first, but I believe subconsciously I was fearful, and that fear was stronger than any medicine, herb, relaxation technique, pumping schedule, nursing schedule, lact-aid, etc. I had even tried on my own to “just believe” that I could nurse when it wasn’t working well and this had not fixed the problem. I really need a friend and a higher power to overcome this issue. I also believe I needed the experiences of the first three kids. I had prayed before and the problem was not fixed. Healing came when the Lord knew I had learned what I needed to learn and when I was ready.

Second, I learned to accept my nursing challenges somewhere between my first and fourth child. This was good. Not everything in our lives needs to be done to perfection and that was an important lesson for me. I cried hard, felt like I was an inadequate mother and then finally came to the realization that the best I can do in this life is give my most perfect love. I can’t give perfect circumstances.

Third, I learned the power of belief and of healing. The Lord can help us overcome false beliefs and fears. And while I overcame the fear, crummy circumstances circumvented what I thought would be best. In the end, I have four beautiful kids ages 3 through 11 that survived all this! Nursing is good, but giving the best you can give, whatever that may be, truly is best.

I hope no one reading this thinks I am saying that if you have a low milk supply that cannot be corrected with supportive measures that you must have an underlying psychological issue. But I did, and I hope this post might help someone else in similar circumstances.

My daughter and I only lasted 19 days She was my first, and a c-birth, and had other complications. I forced myself to believe the supply problems I experienced with her were all in my head (after all, it’s normal to not be able to pump a lot…and I told myself I just hadn’t had the time to build my supply).

It still hurts. I had a hard time being around the local natural parents group until he was over a year and was taking milk from a cup. I didn’t want to have to explain that my body had failed me.

I think there need to be more mothers open like this. There’s a stigma that talking about low supply will perpetuate the feeling that more women have supply issues, but I don’t think that’s true. When you’ve seen real supply issues, when you’ve experienced it or heard a mother talking about it, nothing compares.

My heart goes out to you. One thing I’ve been told (if I were to have another) is to take progesterone before conceiving and during the early months. Just a thought.