Maybe There is No Such Thing as Balance
Everywhere I go women are talking about balance. We have our spiritual life and husbands and small children and housework and gardens and crafting and reading and writing and blogging and cooking and… we could go on all day. Everyone tells me that I need to balance all of these things, but is that really possible?
Aren’t they all just telling me that I need to balance what I want with what I’m really supposed to be doing?
Is this job we’ve been given “not enough?” What if all we had was our jobs as wives, mothers, homemakers? If I did nothing more than work to serve my family could I be content? No internet, blogging, emailing, writing, crafting, gardening, decorating, etc. There is nothing inherently wrong with these things, but they are the benefits that come with my job, not the job itself.
To take it one step further… if everything and everyone I loved was gone could I still be content? Is God alone enough?
These are the questions I ask myself daily as I move from one task to the next.
More and more I am seeing that it is priorities, not balance that I need to be focused on. When we choose to do one thing, naturally there is something else that doesn’t get done. So I have to ask myself if my priorities line up with the responsibilities given me then why wouldn’t the rest fall into place?
No balancing required.
What about you… do you balance it all or set priorities and let the rest fall where it may?
I have to aim for balance to best meet my priorities at times. Take my having an only child at this point in time, for example. One of my greatest goals in life, and hence something that is high priority on my day to day to do list, is to raise a moral, God-fearing, and loving child. This takes a lot of time, sure, but I also must know when to step away and allow her to do something for herself. I’ve had to learn how to balance active time with her and the time I give her to learn to play on her own and problem solve. I might have the time to spend with my attention focused on her *all of the time* but this is not a good recipe for raising her into a responsible adult, but more likely a spoiled princess, since she’d never learn to share, do without, and problem solve if I’m not careful to provide learning opportunities for all of this. And this is mighty difficult as I seem to have the potential to be a terrible hover mother who smothers her child if I’m not careful. ;o) Do I make sense? :o)
Wowzers Shannon. This is good stuff! I couldn’t agree more. I always have choked at the term balance. I stopped reading women’s magazines in the checkout line because of this.
There is no way I can balance it all, I simply can’t do it all. I can only do some and the rest isn’t balanced it’s left behind. The key I think is to not leave behind the most important things.
I love it. Carolyn Mahaney has a fabulous book called Shopping for Time…LOVE IT! It is all about setting priorities in each season of your life. The crazy part is how fast seasons change in the lives we have been called to live. It’s funny too how when you do give things up sometimes you realize that God really does know what He is doing. He does know best because things are always better the way he wants them. Whether or not it is easy to see right now, I know I seem to insist on it my way many times, and we all know how that usually turns out! Anyway…great post!
Maybe you do what you are called to do each day–that gives you joy and fulfillment each day. Perhaps that is balance.
In yoga we are constantly reminded that balance is not static–one day I will do more of this or than but perhaps not the next day. If God is enough, then perhaps that is your “core” around which everything else must follow.
Wow…I think I needed to hear this today. I’ve really been struggling with this exact topic in my life right now. I am a stay at home mom with two kids under the age of 3. I also happen to have hobbies that include sewing, knitting, reading, blogging, gardening, etc. And when I don’t get to do enough of my hobbies because naps didn’t coincide or whatever, I get grouchy about it. I need to strive for excellence in the job I’ve been blessed with (wife, mother, homemaker) and ask God to help me with the contentment aspect!
I have been musing about similar things lately. If my most important job as a mother is to point my kids to Christ, why on earth am I spending my days trying to “keep them busy”? These years are so precious, and they don’t last long enough trying fit EVERYTHING onto the balance. Sometimes, to make it balance, you have to take things off…
Wonderful post! Many days I feel like I have so many ideas running throught my head that I just have to focus on the basics-preparing meals, helping my family throughout the day, taking care of the house, etc., which means I may have little time for certain hobbies-crafting and so forth. Yet I want to make sure that in all that I do I honor the Lord because it is only through Him and His grace that I can manage daily life.
Shannon,
I love this post and it rings so true for me, and I too have been pondering these very things this week!
I’ve found peace with the notion that everything I do at home should be for the benefit of my husband and children (to the Glory of God) and when I “do not eat the bread of idleness” (read: internet/TV during the day) I tend to be blessed with TIME to do the things I enjoy without compromising my duties.
It’s funny how when I let go of all the “worldly” temptations (including trying my utmost to make my blog successful) and simply focus on glorifying God by being a good steward of what he’s given me, I feel that balance just sort of comes naturally.
Great post!
Good stuff!
I hear you are a local mama- my midwife has linked to your “food roots” posts and I’ve been reading your blog ever since. I really appreciate your posts. I have been thinking about this very thing- which is what inspired me to comment. I’ve heard all sorts of things about balance. I often hear it coming out of my mouth. However, I find that in my actual life, the balance I seek only comes when I resolve to be fully present in the task at hand- to rise to the challenge of each responsibility and to just love my life as it is and do what needs doing.
I’ve been thinking about the needs of the natural world, mostly, in these terms. I often hear that we need to “work towards” a sustainable alternative, but in reading about the great coral reef dying this morning, reading about the agricultural business “taking steps” to reduce the pesticide runoffs that are harming the great reef, it just got me thinking… We know exactly what we need to do to be healthy in our lives. I would argue, we know exactly what the right thing to do is. The question is in our priorities and whether or not we actually do it. It only takes doing. And so I really like what you had to say-
“…if my priorities line up with the responsibilities given me then why wouldn’t the rest fall into place?”
No balancing required.
🙂
Shannon,
I completely agree with your summation in that if we are doing what God has commanded us to do, everything else will fall into place. And even that is not a cookie-cutter statement. I have learned that I cannot compare myself with anybody else or I will either feel very inadequate or prideful. As a help meet, my husband’s needs come first, whatever that entails at any given time, then my responsibilities as a wife, keeper of our home and farm, and then anything above that is gravy. There is no time whatsoever for crafts, etc. in the summertime because of the harvest but usually more time for those things in the winter. But the peace that comes along with that is priceless. The whole “process driven life” really makes sense to me now. Another woman may be more driven or have ample time for everything but that is not my temperament or how God has made me specifically and I need to be okay with that. I am still such a work in progress and appreciate you sharing your experiences as well.
Susan
Your easy style is fast becoming one of my favorites. Thank you for this – it’s a challenge to simplify and not try to DO it all. Priorities are difficult when one doesn’t always want to do what is important, but what is fun (like Internet time!).