I am not a linear-brained person. You might even call me a type b mama. I’ve heard that this type of brain fosters creativity and good relationships. I’ve seen it create chaos and fear if left unchecked.

In college it caused me to become behind in just about every class I ever took. I became distracted which lead to procrastination which lead me to be unprepared which eventually caused a paralyzing fear of failure. I fumbled through those four years thinking that everyone existed like this and no one talked about it.

Then I got married and got to know my very linear, very thorough husband. Turns out I’m a freak. (Coincidentally I didn’t know that I had double jointed fingers and toes until he pointed them out, either.) And now this freak is embarking on the education of her own children which, until I actually began the process, brought back a lot of those old fears.

I mean really – we are responsible for the entire education of our children. And now I have been given the task of executing that education. Turns out God is teaching me more about myself in this process than I could ever teach my boys about reading, writing, and arithmetic.

I recently listened to this sermon and have been pondering the hows and whys of my own fears. My fear of homeschooling has never been about whether or not it is the right thing to do or is beneficial to my children or can be done by every parent, regardless of their own education. I have known for a while now that the question of whether a child gets enough socialization when homeschooled is fairly ridiculous given that people and relationships actually do exist outside of public schools.

No, my fear has been a product of my own lack of discipline. When I procrastinate doing a task I become fearful of the outcome. When I am diligent in my duties, however, I am reminded that obedience is mine and the outcome is God’s alone.

Now I am finding that with a bit of discipline and preparation we can find a balance of rhythm and flexibility that work well for our family. So, here I go… praying and planning my way into homeschooling. Two things I have not done enough of lately.

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